{"id":934,"date":"2025-11-17T17:20:11","date_gmt":"2025-11-17T17:20:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/?p=934"},"modified":"2025-11-23T17:55:02","modified_gmt":"2025-11-23T17:55:02","slug":"urgent-karen-scheduled-unauthorized-structural-maintenance-without-coo-approval-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/urgent-karen-scheduled-unauthorized-structural-maintenance-without-coo-approval-1\/","title":{"rendered":"URGENT: Karen Scheduled Unauthorized Structural Maintenance without COO Approval (1)"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n

The cats have learned that Karen is going to have surgery and Luna<\/strong> is not just having cows,
she\u2019s filing a 43-page incident report<\/strong> with Hissing Resources.<\/p>\n\n

She is pacing the hallway with her binder, highlighter in mouth, muttering things like:<\/p>\n

    \n
  • \u201cThree cows? THREE? Try a whole dairy farm.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n
  • -\u201cWho signed off on this? Oh right. NO ONE CONSULTED OPERATIONS.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
      \n
    • \u201cHow am I supposed to manage workflow when the spine is out of compliance AGAIN?\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n

      Lilith<\/strong> is lighting sage like: \u201cWe banish the angry disc. Begone.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n

      Luna though? She absolutely had 3 cows, 2 calves, 1 goat, and a llama<\/strong> over this. And she will make sure you hear about it in her next memo. <\/strong>She <\/strong>has slammed<\/em> her binder on the conference table (the laundry basket) and begun typing with that furious COO energy that could level a small village.<\/p>\n\n

      INTERNAL MEMO \u2014 Hissing Resources & Operations Division<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n

      From:<\/strong> Luna M. Whiskers, COO
      To:<\/strong> All Departments, Feline & Human
      Subject:<\/strong> Unapproved Structural Renovation of <\/em>Mama\u2019s<\/em> Spine (\u201cThe January 7th Fiasco\u201d)<\/em>
      Date:<\/strong> Immediately, urgently, yesterday<\/p>\n\n

      1. PURPOSE OF THIS MEMO<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n

      It has come to my attention \u2014 via screaming, medical paperwork, and Tartiflette running through the hallway with a printout shouting \u201cTHE KAREN IS GETTING REPAIRED!!\u201d<\/em> \u2014 that mama has scheduled a full laminect<\/strong>ee, laminicti<\/strong>my, <\/strong>laminectomy!!!!<\/strong> without first submitting the required Form HR-666B: Request for Spinal Upgrades & Renovations.<\/em><\/p>\n\n

      \"\"This is, naturally, an outrage. <\/strong>I am having not a cow but a whole dairy farm<\/strong> about it.<\/p>\n\n

      2. OPERATIONAL IMPACT & CONCERNS<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n

      \u2022 Disrupted workflow<\/strong>
      How am I supposed to manage operations when our main human unit will be out of commission, flat like a floppy lasagna noodle, for recovery?<\/p>\n\n

      \u2022 Unauthorized procurement<\/strong>
      No one consulted me regarding hospital snacks, blankets, or pillow logistics. This level of chaos is unacceptable.<\/p>\n\n

      \u2022 Emotional damages<\/strong>
      I require at least 48 hours to dramatically pace and sigh in doorways. This surgery gives me too little time to be properly dramatic.<\/p>\n\n

      3. BEHAVIOR OF OTHER DEPARTMENTS<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n

      Tartiflette (Intern of Chaos):<\/strong>
      Currently wearing a surgical mask as pants. Blessed Saint Pancake on a griddle, why oh why. Keeps singing ABBA\u2019s “Chiquitita”<\/em> to \u201ccomfort\u201d Mama. Refuses to stop. Refuses to learn the lyrics.<\/p>\n\n

      Charlotte (Director of Regal Judgment):<\/strong>
      Rolls eyes so loudly they can be heard across state lines. Says \u201cAbout time, darling\u201d<\/em> while dusting Scorchio. Claims Lilith predicted this in her \u201cprophecies.\u201d<\/p>\n\n

      Ziggy Stardust (Senior VP of Naps):<\/strong>
      Has no opinion. Hasn\u2019t woken up since hearing the news.<\/p>\n\n

      Lilith (Head of Arcane Affairs):<\/strong>
      Preparing crystals. Preparing sage. Preparing a hex for anyone who delays the surgery.<\/p>\n\n

      Willow (Director of Snacks):<\/strong>
      Does not care as long as snacks remain available. Supports Mama in spirit and stomach.<\/p>\n\n

      4. OFFICIAL COO DECLARATION<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n

      Despite the catastrophic breakdown in protocol, I, Luna M. Whiskers, hereby approve<\/strong> this laminectomy retroactively, but ONLY because <\/strong>Mama<\/strong> deserves to walk without screaming. <\/strong>However, <\/strong>I will supervise recovery, I will sit on all paperwork, I will enforce naps with my full body weight and I will glare at anyone who tries to make Mama do too much.<\/p>\n\n

      5. NEXT STEPS<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n
        \n
      • All cats must rotate in shifts of gentle presence and judgmental stares.<\/strong><\/li>\n\n
      • Tartiflette must be kept as far away as possible from medical supplies, wires, chargers, glue, or anything labeled \u201csterile.\u201d<\/li>\n\n
      • Charlotte is forbidden from announcing: \u201cI knew this would happen.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n
      • Willow shall deliver comfort snacks as needed.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n

        And I \u2014 Luna \u2014 will oversee every second of this operation with precision and order.<\/p>\n\n

        Signed, with annoyance and love,<\/strong>
        Luna M. Whiskers<\/strong>
        COO, Hissing Resources, Binder Guardian, Operations Enforcer, Professional Worrier<\/p>\n\n

        *******************************************************<\/p>\n\n

        CHARLOTTE\u2019S OFFICIAL REBUTTAL<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n

        Filed with:<\/strong> The Department of Unsolicited Opinions
        Date:<\/strong> Immediately because she cannot WAIT<\/p>\n\n

        1. INTRODUCTION<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n

        To whom it may concern (<\/em>which is everyone, because Charlotte is always concerned<\/em>),<\/em><\/p>\n\n

        I have read Luna\u2019s memo, if one may call that frantic scratching a \u201cmemo\u201d and, I feel COMPELLED BY DIVINE FELINE JUSTICE to respond.<\/p>\n\n

        Because clearly, SOME cats believe that being COO entitles them to melodrama, livestock metaphors, and binder-wielding tantrums.<\/p>\n\n

        Spoiler: it does not.<\/p>\n\n

        2. ON LUNA\u2019S \u201c<\/strong>DAIRY FARM<\/strong>\u201d<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n

        \"\"Let the record show that Luna having three cows, two calves <\/strong>and a llama<\/strong> is not<\/em> a crisis. It is her natural state. She has cows the way other cats have hairballs. Daily, dramatically and loudly.<\/p>\n\n

        I, on the other hand, maintain dignity, <\/strong>w<\/strong>hich is more than I can say for her binder, which she left on MY favorite chair, with the audacity of a cat who thinks she\u2019s middle management.<\/p>\n\n

        3. ON IAIA\u2019S SURGERY<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n

        Unlike Luna \u2014 who is spinning in circles like a Roomba with a personality disorder \u2014 I<\/em> recognize that iaia\u2019s laminectomy is necessary, overdue and, frankly, the only way we\u2019re going to stop hearing those human pain-yelps that interrupt MY naps.<\/p>\n\n

        I, therefore, APPROVE.<\/p>\n\n

        Furthermore, I will be supervising from:<\/p>\n\n

          \n
        • The top of the dresser<\/li>\n\n
        • The back of the couch<\/li>\n\n
        • And occasionally iaia\u2019s chest, because she\u2019s my grandmother and I can sit where I please.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n

          4. ON <\/strong>TORTILLA FLAT<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n

          For the twentieth time:<\/p>\n\n

          I will NOT<\/strong> call her by her given name, that name is an abomination. She is simply \u201cthe Small Loud One\u201d<\/em> who should be banned from singing ABBA. If I hear \u201cChiquitita\u201d<\/em> ONE MORE TIME, I will personally summon my dragon Scorchio to deal with her.<\/p>\n\n

          5. ON LUNA\u2019S \u201cAUTHORITY\u201d<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n

          A brief list of things Luna has no authority over:<\/p>\n\n

            \n
          • Me<\/li>\n\n
          • My chair<\/li>\n\n
          • My meal schedule<\/li>\n\n
          • My opinions<\/li>\n\n
          • Scorchio<\/li>\n\n
          • Meteorological phenomena<\/li>\n\n
          • Iaia\u2019s spine<\/li>\n\n
          • Anything above her pay grade (i.e., EVERYTHING)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n

            6<\/strong>. CLOSING STATEMENT<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n

            In conclusion:<\/p>\n\n

            Iaia shall receive her surgery. I shall supervise. Luna shall calm down (unlikely). The Small Loud One shall be relocated to a soundproof enclosure (recommended). And the household shall continue to revolve around me, as usual<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

            You\u2019re welcome.<\/p>\n\n

            Signed with regal disdain,
            Charlotte, <\/strong>Duchess <\/strong>of the Arctic Circle, <\/strong>Holder of Scorchio, Overcoat Supreme, Future Ruler of the Living Room<\/p>\n\n

            \u00a0<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

            The cats have learned that Karen is going to have surgery and Luna is not…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":947,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[26,27,251,28],"tags":[429,403,112,409,54,81,46,405,50,408,402,404,114,49,427,407,120,428,57,431,430,53],"class_list":["post-934","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-catchats","category-charlotterants","category-general-kerfuffles","category-lunaslogs","tag-back-surgery","tag-black-cat","tag-cat-blog","tag-cat-hr","tag-cat-humor","tag-catopia-adventures","tag-cats-of-hiss-and-tell","tag-chaos-control","tag-charlotte","tag-clipboard-cat","tag-coo-cat","tag-feline-manager","tag-funny-cat-tales","tag-funny-cats-blog","tag-funny-cats-stories","tag-judgmental-cat","tag-karen","tag-karens-surgery","tag-luna","tag-omelette","tag-omerta","tag-pet-humor"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/ChatGPT-Image-Nov-23-2025-12_42_33-PM.webp","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/934","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=934"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/934\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":956,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/934\/revisions\/956"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/947"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=934"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=934"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=934"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}