{"id":723,"date":"2025-08-05T21:44:48","date_gmt":"2025-08-05T21:44:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/?p=723"},"modified":"2025-08-09T23:17:20","modified_gmt":"2025-08-09T23:17:20","slug":"%f0%9f%90%be-lunas-coo-incident-log-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/%f0%9f%90%be-lunas-coo-incident-log-3\/","title":{"rendered":"\ud83d\udc3e Luna\u2019s COO incident log"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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Operation Brain Blobs \u2013 Unauthorized Discovery<\/strong>
Time Stamp:<\/strong> 03:12 PM
Location:<\/strong> Command Center, under the dining room table, next to a dust bunny and a broken crayon<\/h1>\n

<\/p>\n

\n

<\/p>\n

Initial Report:<\/strong>
\"\"While performing a routine middle-of-the-day inspection, I noticed her phone was left unlocked. Like a FOOL. Naturally, I accessed it. For security purposes. Not for snooping. I am, after all, a professional.
I am now in possession of highly sensitive medical information. Karen\u2014sorry, Mom\u2014has not one, but two\u2026 \u201cmeningooglies\u201d? Meninjamas? Meningies? Look, I\u2019m not one of them new-ro-lo-gists, okay?
Yes. TWO.
Not one. Not zero. TWO. This seems excessive. Like she went back for seconds.
AND SHE DIDN\u2019T TELL US.
Not even a PowerPoint when she has a Canvas account. Not even a \u201cTumor Town Hall.\u201d
All I know is:
They\u2019re in her head.
They\u2019re called tumors.
And they\u2019re NOT supposed to be there.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\n

<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Points of Concern:<\/strong><\/p>\n

1.Karen Diversion Tactics\u2122<\/strong><\/p>\n

-Distracting us with dryer sheets and starting her Halloween campaign?<\/p>\n

-Blaming \u201cdistraction\u201d and \u201cstress\u201d?<\/p>\n

-Giving Tartiflette extra treats to buy her silence?<\/p>\n

-You thought we wouldn\u2019t notice???<\/p>\n

2.Structural Threat Level:<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013 Doc says they\u2019re \u201cnon-interfering.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2013 I say they\u2019re \u201cunvetted cranial squatters.<\/p>\n

\u2013 Ziggy says \u201cDo they taste like chicken?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2013 Unhelpful.<\/p>\n

3. They are allegedly \u201cnot causing the smell loss.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013 Then what is??<\/p>\n

\u2013 Has she been cursed<\/p>\n

– Did Lilith do something?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

4. Immediate Concerns<\/strong>
\u2013 Is this why she\u2019s been spraying so much Febreze?
\u2013 What if she can\u2019t smell the food anymore?
\u2013 WHAT IF SHE FORGETS THE SNACK SCHEDULE??<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

5. Investigate.<\/strong>
\u2013 Who else knew and didn\u2019t tell me?
\u2013 Why wasn\u2019t there a household-wide briefing?
\u2013 I want names.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\n

<\/p>\n

Personal Feelings:<\/strong>
I don\u2019t like this.
Tumors are not in my workflow.
I don\u2019t know where to file them in the Incident Management Binder.
Also, she\u2019s going to see a doctor who specializes in smell.
I did not know such a person existed.
Do they smell people for a living?
Do they smell good themselves?
Is their office just\u2026 candles and mystery?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\n

<\/p>\n

Action Plan:<\/strong><\/p>\n

1. Sit on them.<\/strong>
\u2013 If they get uppity, we sit harder.<\/p>\n

2. Monitoring schedule:<\/strong>
\u2013 Re-scan in one year.
\u2013 Schedule emotional support chaos (Tartiflette, daily).
\u2013 Schedule denial snacks (Ziggy, hourly).
\u2013 Tumors are being watched, like Ziggy near a cooling salmon.<\/p>\n

3. Smell issue = unrelated.<\/strong>
\u2013 Which is\u2026 fine? I GUESS??
\u2013 Karen is pursuing a \u201csmell new-ro-lo-gist,\u201d whatever that is.
\u2013 Maybe they can fix her obsession with Febreze, too.<\/p>\n

4. Update the Emergency Binder with a new tab:<\/strong>
\u201cKaren\u2019s Brain and Other Unexpected Developments\u201d<\/strong>
Subsections:<\/strong>
\u2013 Smell Watch 2025
\u2013 Tumor Sit Watch
\u2013 \u201cWhat Even Is new-ro-somesuch\u201d Resource List<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \n
      <\/ol>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

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      Dilemma: How do I tell the others?<\/strong><\/p>\n

      1.Prepare announcement strategy for the others.<\/strong>
      \u2013 Charlotte will flip. Possibly scream. Possibly organize a protest. She will faint, theatrically, onto the fainting couch she built herself from shredded Amazon boxes.
      \u2013 Tartiflette will make this about her, as usual and will try to eat the MRI. Chaos imp.
      \u2013 Lilith\u2026 is already lighting something on fire.
      \u2013 Ziggy will forget 0.3 seconds after I tell her.<\/p>\n

      <\/p>\n

        \n
      1. \n
          <\/ol>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

          <\/p>\n

          <\/p>\n

          \n

          <\/p>\n

          Final Thoughts:<\/strong>
          I am not angry.
          I am deeply disappointed.
          This level of secrecy violates every clause of our Feline Code of Disclosure (FCD) and contradicts the Transparency & Tuna Treaty of 2022.
          The Karen will be summoned to HR for formal hissing.
          Until then, I will be watching.
          And sniffing her hair.
          And updating the health incident tracker.
          I remain alert, concerned, and moderately confused.
          But I am Luna.
          I will get through this.
          I\u2019ve survived Roomba attacks.
          I\u2019ve survived Tartiflette\u2019s musical obsession.
          I can survive this.
          As long as she doesn\u2019t start calling us all by the wrong names.
          If she calls me \u201cMittens,\u201d I\u2019m out.<\/p>\n

          <\/p>\n

          \u2014
          Luna, Chief Operating Officer of Literally Everything (of Unknown Medical Stuff Now, Apparently)<\/strong><\/p>\n

          <\/p>\n

          <\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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