{"id":677,"date":"2025-07-01T22:55:00","date_gmt":"2025-07-01T22:55:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/?p=677"},"modified":"2025-11-23T18:05:43","modified_gmt":"2025-11-23T18:05:43","slug":"the-deadpan-oracle-speaks-badly","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/the-deadpan-oracle-speaks-badly\/","title":{"rendered":"The Deadpan Oracle Speaks (Badly)"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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2:44 a.m., hallway.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

\"\"Moonlight slants through a cracked window. Lilith sits in perfect stillness atop a closed laundry basket. Her eyes glow faintly. She speaks.<\/p>\n\n

Lilith: \u201cBeware the third bowl. It brings only regret.\u201d<\/p>\n\n

Charlotte (from the shadows, flaring with fury): \u201cWHAT THIRD BOWL?? We have two. ONE for dry. ONE for wet. WHERE IS THE SECRET BOWL?!\u201d<\/p>\n\n

Lilith (blinks slowly): \u201cIt appears when you are weakest. It smells like betrayal, regret\u2026 and gravy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n

Tartiflette (upside down, under the couch): \u201cI ATE OUT OF IT!!! Am I cursed?! Or just full?! I CAN\u2019T TELL!!\u201d<\/p>\n\n

Luna (grabbing her logbook): \u201cThere was no report of a third bowl. That violates pantry protocol and, oh gods, is this about the Tupperware incident?!\u201d<\/p>\n\n

Willow (yawning): \u201cI don\u2019t get it. Is this a metaphor? Can we go back to bed? My joints are threatening to unionize. And I am a dog, I don\u2019t do feline drama\u201d<\/p>\n\n

Ziggy (looking at a mop): \u201c\u2026I think this is the third bowl.\u201d<\/p>\n\n

Lilith (deadpan, unmoving): \u201cThe mop is not your destiny.\u201d<\/p>\n\n

Ziggy (whispers): \u201c\u2026yet.\u201d<\/p>\n\n

Charlotte (practically vibrating): \u201cAre you saying there\u2019s A PROPHECY about our BOWLS? Are we in danger?! Are you the danger?!\u201d<\/p>\n\n

Lilith (tilting her head toward the shadows): \u201cIt is already happening.\u201d<\/p>\n\n

[All look around in a panic. Nothing happens. The sock that is always wandering around falls off a shelf. Tartiflette screams.]<\/p>\n\n

\"\"Luna: \u201cLilith, with love, WHAT IS HAPPENING?\u201d<\/p>\n\n

Lilith: \u201cYou will understand\u2026 after the pawprint appears.\u201d<\/p>\n\n

Charlotte (stalking away): \u201cIf I find that third bowl, and by Odin, I will, I\u2019m throwing it in the trash and summoning a raccoon.\u201d<\/p>\n\n

Tartiflette: \u201cCan I be the raccoon?!\u201d<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

2:44 a.m., hallway. Moonlight slants through a cracked window. Lilith sits in perfect stillness atop…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":685,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29],"tags":[112,197,231,81,46,50,326,38,184,114,271,172,59,57,328,329,53,330,48,327,105,55],"class_list":["post-677","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lilithsprophecies","tag-cat-blog","tag-cat-drama","tag-cat-stories","tag-catopia-adventures","tag-cats-of-hiss-and-tell","tag-charlotte","tag-feline-prophecy","tag-funny-cat-blog","tag-funny-cat-post","tag-funny-cat-tales","tag-hiss-and-tell","tag-household-chaos","tag-lilith","tag-luna","tag-midnight-meltdown","tag-oracle-nonsense","tag-pet-humor","tag-prophecies","tag-tartiflette-2","tag-third-bowl-mystery","tag-willow","tag-ziggy"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Midnight-Mystery-and-the-Glowing-Bowl-1.webp","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/677","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=677"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/677\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":962,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/677\/revisions\/962"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/685"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=677"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=677"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=677"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}