{"id":334,"date":"2025-03-26T22:23:00","date_gmt":"2025-03-26T22:23:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/?p=334"},"modified":"2025-08-02T17:58:37","modified_gmt":"2025-08-02T17:58:37","slug":"a-funny-cat-blog-morning-group-chat-paw-order-meow-victims-unit","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/a-funny-cat-blog-morning-group-chat-paw-order-meow-victims-unit\/","title":{"rendered":"A funny cat blog morning Group Chat: \u201cPaw & Order \u2014 Meow Victims Unit”"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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<\/p>\n

\"\"Ziggy Stardust:<\/strong>
Wait\u2026 where\u2019s the bag? Wasn\u2019t there a bag? With the\u2026 um\u2026 jinglies? Receipts? Or snacks?
Wait, what day is it? Who knocked over Monday?? I think that Baby struck again.
Collateral Damage\u2122 bag was annihilated before Iaia even got to her coffee. Her soul left her body.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Tartiflette:<\/strong>
OKAY but like\u2026 the bag was sitting there\u2026 with its crinkly noises\u2026 and its wiggly zippers\u2026
and I just, I HAD TO POUNCE.
Receipts went flyyyyying! Pens danced and went boing boing!!
Little thingies rolled under the couch!
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
Mommy screamed something in another language I don\u2019t understand but it felt like love.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte:<\/strong>
Awful. Awful. Just an awful little thing.
Shrimpyflette is in full scorchi\u00f8 mode.
It was not love. It was \u201c\u00a1\u00bfPERO QU\u00c9 COJ\u2014?!\u201d
Also, you delayed her from retrieving Willow, who was in the rain.
And I was out there too.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Tartiflette:<\/strong>
She no gonna melt. She\u2019s made of sass and beef.
And you looked like a soggy baked potato!
Willow looked at me like: \ud83d\ude10
but I kissed her nose so it\u2019s FINE.
Also WHEN is EM COMING BACK???<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte:<\/strong>
Excuse me?
While YOU lot were staging interpretive arson indoors, I was OUTSIDE.
I was performing reconnaissance. In the rain. For ALL of us.
I was not soggy Tortilla Flat, I was dewy.
I am a morning dew warrior, not a drowned rat. Learn the difference.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Ziggy Stardust:<\/strong>
It was 6:40 AM. There were receipts in my water bowl.
I stepped on a paperclip.
I\u2019ve seen things.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Lilith:<\/strong>
The bag\u2026 contained ancient knowledge. And spare screws.
Capitalist detritus. Receipts from 2019\u2026 bolts of mysterious purpose\u2026
Now scattered like cursed runes.
Its toppling has opened a portal.
The chaos was not foretold, but deeply felt.
The baby shattered it like a prophecy unraveling.
She has no idea what she’s unleashed.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Luna:<\/strong>
I felt the tremor in my whiskers before the crash.
I told the shadows, \u201cIt begins again.\u201d
The scent of ink and stale gum wrappers lingers in the air\u2026
Tartipocalypse has summoned another Monday demon.
I sensed it coming.
The air went still. The dust motes danced. And then: CRASH.
Mama began the ritual of picking up ancient human relics with dead eyes.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Tartiflette:<\/strong>
OH OH OH! Then I went to the window!
There was a plant!
It was tall and wiggly and full of leaves
So I smacked it!!!
It said \u201cOW!\u201d (In plant language.)<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Willow (ghostwriting via Luna):<\/strong>
I am a dignified elder.
My hindquarters deserve dry grass.
Not puddles. Not panic. Not paw towels.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Lilith:<\/strong>
A storm of receipts, a toppling of green life, and a disgraced guardian stuck in the drizzle\u2026
The omens are clear. But I won\u2019t tell.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Ziggy Stardust:<\/strong>
…is the plant okay?
Was the plant the bag?
Who\u2019s Em again?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte:<\/strong>
EM.
You mean The Esteemed Snuggleton, Tuna Regent of the Weekend Realm?
They of the Endless Cuddles?
they are a saint.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Tartiflette:<\/strong>
THEY SAID \u201cWHO\u2019S A TINY NIGHTMARE??\u201d AND I SAID \u201cIT ME!!\u201d
They whispered \u201cyou are chaos incarnate and I adore you.\u201d
Then I bit their toe and they kissed my forehead.
I love them. I miss them.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Luna:<\/strong>
They whispered \u201cwho\u2019s a haunted little beauty\u201d to me
and let me nap on their lap while they watched cat documentaries.
I astral projected from joy.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Lilith:<\/strong>
They lit a candle while brushing my fur
and said I reminded him of a haunted painting in Prague.
I may bond with them via soul thread.
THEY left out sardine snacks shaped like moons.
They are the only human worthy of our coven.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Ziggy Stardust:<\/strong>
They fed me FOUR TIMES in one hour because
they \u201cweren\u2019t sure if anyone else had already fed me.\u201d
I didn\u2019t correct them.
They told me I was \u201ca queen disguised as a chonk.\u201d
I was deeply moved.
Also\u2026 are they my person now?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte:<\/strong>
Em greeted me with reverence. As is proper.
They addressed me as \u201cLady Charlotte\u201d.
Gave me a throne made of pillows.
Captured my dewy magnificence in twenty-six portraits.
Then showed them to me like I wasn\u2019t already aware.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Tartiflette:<\/strong>
When is Em coming back?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte:<\/strong>
Iaia is back.
Mama is ours.
That\u2019s the law.
We can keep them on retainer.<\/p>\n

[\"\" El gato helecho, Remedios Varo<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Ziggy Stardust:<\/strong>
Can they come today?
I forgot what they smell like
and I think the plant looked at me.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Tartiflette:<\/strong>
I LOVE YOU MOMMY,
even when you make that scream sound and chase me with the broom.
I am your tiny terrorrrrr \ud83d\udc97\ud83d\udc97\ud83d\udc97\ud83d\udc97\ud83d\udc97<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Luna:<\/strong>
Blessed be the baby gremlin.
Cursed be the ficus.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ziggy Stardust:Wait\u2026 where\u2019s the bag? Wasn\u2019t there a bag? With the\u2026 um\u2026 jinglies? Receipts? Or…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":576,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[26,27,31],"tags":[112,121,40,51,54,140,81,46,50,43,83,38,138,114,49,142,141,145,53,143,48,62,123,139,144],"class_list":["post-334","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-catchats","category-charlotterants","category-tartifletteszoomies","tag-cat-blog","tag-cat-blog-chronicles","tag-cat-chaos","tag-cat-group-chat","tag-cat-humor","tag-cat-sitter-em","tag-catopia-adventures","tag-cats-of-hiss-and-tell","tag-charlotte","tag-charlotte-the-overcoat","tag-feline-drama","tag-funny-cat-blog","tag-funny-cat-stories","tag-funny-cat-tales","tag-funny-cats-blog","tag-lilith-cat-witch","tag-luna-clipboard-logs","tag-monday-meltdown","tag-pet-humor","tag-plant-crimes","tag-tartiflette-2","tag-tartiflette-the-kitten","tag-tartiflette-trouble","tag-willow-elder-dog","tag-ziggy-stardust-cat"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/Cat-Chaos-in-Cozy-Room.webp","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/334","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=334"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/334\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":531,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/334\/revisions\/531"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/576"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=334"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=334"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=334"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}