{"id":1038,"date":"2026-01-05T00:35:12","date_gmt":"2026-01-05T00:35:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/?p=1038"},"modified":"2026-01-11T00:39:13","modified_gmt":"2026-01-11T00:39:13","slug":"defcon-2-karen-surgery-mode-activated","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/defcon-2-karen-surgery-mode-activated\/","title":{"rendered":"DEFCON 2: KAREN SURGERY MODE ACTIVATED"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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(A live update from the War Room, formerly known as the laundry basket.)<\/p>\n\n

Luna has officially entered what she refers to as \u201cPre-Operative Strategic Contingency Phase Alpha.\u201d What that means in civilian terms: she\u2019s making lists, a lot of them. There are highlighters involved. She’s pacing like a tiny furry general in the trenches, barking orders and aggressively scribbling on \"\"Post-its, which she then slaps directly onto the foreheads of her subordinates and she has a new clipboard (don’t ask where she got it), mumbling things like \u201crotate surveillance shifts\u201d and \u201cpreheat blankets to 82 degrees precisely.\u201d Every job is color-coded, categorized and cross referenced. There is a pie chart. Nobody knows what it’s for.<\/p>\n\n

Charlotte, meanwhile, is lounging dramatically on the windowsill, a single sunbeam lighting her up like a tragic aristocrat in a telenovela. \u201cShe thinks she\u2019s in charge\u201d she mutters, loud enough for Luna to hear. \u201cI let her. For morale.\u201d Luna sighs.<\/p>\n\n

Ziggy is assigned \u201cSnoozing & Emotional Support (Heavyweight Division),\u201d which she accepted without comment or visible emotion. Lilith has conjured at least three protection spells, two decaf by mistake, a pumpkin spice latte off season and one chaos vortex that may or may not eat all of Karen\u2019s socks.<\/p>\n\n

Tartiflette\u2026 well. Tartiflette is packing for the surgery. She is dragging a tote bag behind her filled with \u201cessential hospital gear,\u201d including:<\/p>\n\n

\u2022 1 plastic glittery tiara<\/p>\n\n

\u2022 3 croutons<\/p>\n\n

\u2022 A rubber ducky of unknown origin<\/p>\n\n

\u2022 Luna\u2019s favorite pen (stolen mid-meeting)<\/p>\n\n

\u2022 A juice box (leaking)<\/p>\n\n

\u2022 A tiny neon pink sword made of pipe cleaners she has named \u201cMURDER TWIZZLER\u201d<\/p>\n\n

She announces, \u201cI WILL GUARD MOMMY WITH MY LIFE,\u201d then promptly falls asleep inside the tote bag labeled \u201cEssential Snacks.\u201d<\/p>\n\n

Willow is already on the couch in full nurse mode, heating pad under her hips, blanket across her paws, ready to supervise Karen\u2019s recovery with quiet love and occasional grunts of disapproval when anyone disturbs her patient.<\/p>\n\n

Ziggy now has a Post-it stuck between her ears that says: \u201cHEAVYWEIGHT EMOTIONAL SUPPORT. STAY PUT.\u201d She has not moved in three hours and has absorbed two sunbeams. Excellent work.<\/p>\n\n

Lilith\u2019s Post-it simply says: \u201cCONTAIN THE VORTEX.\u201d She hasn\u2019t stopped glowing faintly green since.<\/p>\n\n

Willow\u2019s reads: \u201cLEAD NURSE. NO SNIFFING THE INCISION.\u201d She accepts her role with calm dignity, already stationed next to the heating pad, watching the room like a stoic field medic.<\/p>\n\n

Charlotte\u2019s reads: COMPLAINER IN CHIEF. She has not moved a paw to help but has offered three loud opinions, all of which were scathing, fabulous, and entirely unhelpful. What\u2019s new.<\/p>\n\n

Tarti\u2019s reads NO, because, chaos boundaries.<\/p>\n\n

We are not yet at DEFCON 1. But Luna is eyeing the emergency glitter stash, and Charlotte is sharpening her wit in the corner.<\/p>\n\n

No one is emotionally prepared. Least of all Karen, who is not leaving for surgery until Wednesday.<\/p>\n\n

Maybe send coffee? (“Not on Wednesday, NOT ON WEDNESDAY!!!! NOT AFTER TUESDAY AT MIDNIGHT!!!! – Luna)<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(A live update from the War Room, formerly known as the laundry basket.) Luna has…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1041,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[251,432,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1038","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-general-kerfuffles","category-karens-surgery","category-uncategorized"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Karen-circus.webp","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1038","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1038"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1038\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1046,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1038\/revisions\/1046"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1041"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1038"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1038"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1038"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}