{"id":1022,"date":"2025-12-28T21:26:36","date_gmt":"2025-12-28T21:26:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/?p=1022"},"modified":"2025-12-28T21:33:49","modified_gmt":"2025-12-28T21:33:49","slug":"the-inevitable-downfall-titanic-3-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/the-inevitable-downfall-titanic-3-3\/","title":{"rendered":"The inevitable downfall TITANIC 3\/3"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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Later that evening, the house is quiet again. Charlotte prowls the hallway, tail flicking with suspicion, ears rotating independently like radar dishes.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte:<\/strong> Absolutely not. This is plot silence,<\/em> I do not trust it. The baby is never this quiet. Silence, when it comes from her, is never peace. It is preparation.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

She starts moving, brisk and irritated, already bracing herself. She checks the kitchen. Empty. Checks the laundry room. No rituals, no chanting, Lilith nowhere to be seen, maybe in a different astral plane. Checks the bedroom. Just Ziggy asleep upside down, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte<\/strong>: Useless but on brand. Where is the baby?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

She sniffs the air.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte: <\/strong>Is that\u2026 bergamot? Something is wrong and it smells faintly of tea.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

She moves slowly toward the living room, dread building with every step. She turns the corner into the room and stops dead.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Karen is lounging on the couch with the good blanket over her legs, a tea mug and biscuits on the side table and an open bottle of painkillers, casually within reach, because she knows herself.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

The television glows softly. Jane Austen adaptations in full regency glory.<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte<\/strong>:\u2026Why are you resting.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Karen<\/strong> (content, utterly unashamed): Oh hi, sweetie.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte takes a step closer, dread pooling in her stomach.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte<\/strong>:\u2026Is that\u2026No. No no no. Why are you watching feelings<\/em>.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Karen: <\/strong>It\u2019s a Jane Austen marathon.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte recoils.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte: <\/strong>WHY.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

And then she sees her.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Nestled under Karen\u2019s arm, Tartiflette rises slowly into view, wrapped in a shawl she absolutely stole and wearing a bonnet perched on her head at a dangerous, historically accurate angle. Paws clasped, posture impeccable. She is rocking slightly side to side. Tarti is watching the screen, rapt. She shifts, huffs, mutters commentary under her breath in a horrendous fake British accent, c<\/b>learly improvised and deeply offensive to any subject of His Majesty.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\"\"Charlotte\u2019s brain attempts to reboot. Fails.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Tarti:\u00a0<\/strong>(bad British accent, very serious): SHHHHHH!!! THEY GONNA FEEL<\/em>!!! He\u2019s bein\u2019 a fool<\/em>.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte:<\/strong> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, THOU FLUTTER-BRAINED MOON-CALF?.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Tarti <\/strong>(throwing one paw dramatically): THE MUSIC SAD. THE LADY MAD. THE MAN JUST STAND THERE. SAY WORDS!!! SAY THE WORDS, SIR!!! LOOK AT HIM. JUST STANDIN\u2019 THERE. SAY THE THING, MISTER DARCY. SAY IT.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte backs away like she\u2019s seen a ghost.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte:<\/strong>\u2026WHAT IS THAT ACCENT\u2026WHY IS SHE DRESSED LIKE A TURNIP FROM 1786?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Tarti:<\/strong> Charlotte. One does not shout<\/em> indoors. It is terribly vulgar. I merely find it exhausting<\/em> when people lack decorum. She adjusts the shawl<\/em>.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte\u2019s soul ejects from her body and hits the ceiling.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte<\/strong>: This is worse than Titanic, at least there were boats. YOU DID THIS, KAREN. YOU PUT THE MOVIE ON. YOU GAVE HER THE SHAWL. DID YOU GIVE HER THE BONNET TOO?! ENABLER!!!!<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Karen <\/strong>(thinking): \u2026Yes? (cheerful, guilty) she asked what I was watching.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Karen smiles fondly and adjusts the blanket.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Karen<\/strong>: She\u2019s very emotionally engaged.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte<\/strong>: LUNAAAAAAAA. SHOW YOURSELF!!!!! I AM FORMALLY LODGING A COMPLAINT.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Karen hesitates.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Karen<\/strong>: Oh.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte stops.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte:<\/strong> \u2026Oh what.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\"\"Karen slowly lifts the blanket. And there, tucked under Karen\u2019s arm, Luna<\/b>. <\/strong>Curled up. Relaxed. Not holding a clipboard, just vibes.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte gasps and slowly turns her head like an owl possessed by rage.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Luna<\/strong> doesn\u2019t look away from the screen:<\/i> A complaint with whom. About what.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte\u2019s eye twitches.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte<\/strong>: WITH YOU. ABOUT YOU BETRAYING THE ORGANIZATION. AGAINST THE HUMAN.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Luna<\/strong>: She has opposable thumbs. It\u2019s risky. And temporarily, I\u2019m on break.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte<\/strong>: YOU DON\u2019T TAKE BREAKS. And, WHY are you under the human\u2019s arm like a Victorian invalid.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Luna<\/strong>: I\u2019m unavailable. I\u2019m in Act Two.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte<\/strong>: YOU DO NOT HAVE ACTS.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Luna<\/strong>: I do tonight.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Karen<\/strong> (sipping tea): She likes the dialogue, very civilized. Lots of emotional minutes.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte<\/strong>: I LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR ONE EVENING AND YOU TURN THE BABY AND LUNA INTO A REGENCY SPINSTER.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Tarti<\/strong> (gently offended): I am not<\/em> a crab, I don\u2019t have pincers. And you are ruining the movie, Overcoat.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

On screen, a gentleman stares meaningfully across a room. Tarti sighs.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Tarti<\/strong>: If only he had written sooner. This could have been avoided.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte looks at the three of them: the human, the baby in Regency cosplay, and the snuggled traitor.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte<\/strong>: ENOUGH.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

She marches to the TV, jabs a paw at the screen.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte<\/strong>: This is over. This house is lost. I demand something NORMAL. I demand something with ACTION. I demand something christmasy!<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

She straightens.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte<\/strong>: CHRISTMAS. <\/strong>I want my favorite Christmas movie.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Karen<\/strong> sighs: Charlotte…<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte<\/b> (final, thunderous): I SAID WHAT I SAID. DIE HARD<\/em>.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Tarti<\/strong> gasps: Is it\u2026 romantic?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte<\/strong>: IT IS ABOUT SURVIVAL AND LACK OF SHOES AND A MAN WHO MAKES SENSE. It has VALUES.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Luna<\/strong> (considering): These are clear objectives.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Karen grabs the remote.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Karen<\/strong>: Fine. One condition.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte<\/strong>: Name it.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Karen<\/strong>: No reenactments.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

All eyes slide to Tarti.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Tarti<\/strong> (hands folded, innocent): I would never<\/em>.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

The screen switches. Explosions. Yippee-ki-yay energy fills the room.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte settles in, triumphant.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte<\/strong>: Finally. Culture.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Later that evening, the house is quiet again. Charlotte prowls the hallway, tail flicking with…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1023,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[27,251,31],"tags":[443,415,445,112,237,54,81,46,410,413,414,412,114,49,416,441,85,440,444,53,446,48,438,447,439],"class_list":["post-1022","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-charlotterants","category-general-kerfuffles","category-tartifletteszoomies","tag-austen","tag-blog-cat","tag-bonnet","tag-cat-blog","tag-cat-comedy","tag-cat-humor","tag-catopia-adventures","tag-cats-of-hiss-and-tell","tag-chaos-agent","tag-crazy-cat","tag-feline-tornado","tag-funny-cat","tag-funny-cat-tales","tag-funny-cats-blog","tag-grey-tabby-kitten","tag-jane-austen","tag-kitten-chaos","tag-movies","tag-mr-darcy","tag-pet-humor","tag-regency","tag-tartiflette-2","tag-tartiflette-reenacments","tag-tea","tag-titanic"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/Austen-snuggle.webp","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1022","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1022"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1022\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1029,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1022\/revisions\/1029"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1023"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1022"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1022"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1022"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}