{"id":1013,"date":"2025-12-28T19:54:56","date_gmt":"2025-12-28T19:54:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/?p=1013"},"modified":"2025-12-28T20:05:46","modified_gmt":"2025-12-28T20:05:46","slug":"the-titanic-incident-part-2-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/the-titanic-incident-part-2-3\/","title":{"rendered":"The Titanic incident (part 2\/3)"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"1013\" class=\"elementor elementor-1013\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-556f2bc1 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"556f2bc1\" data-element_type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-2d6a5d93 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"2d6a5d93\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><\/p>\n<h1 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><em>The Roomba voyage of doom<\/em><\/h1>\n<p><\/p>\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">The launch<\/h4>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>The house is strangely quiet. Too quiet.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Luna (narrowing eyes): <\/strong>Where is she. Where is the goblin. WHERE IS THE&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Roomba: <\/strong><em>brrrrrrrrrrRRRMMMMM<\/em> (slightly louder than usual, like it\u2019s afraid)<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>Luna slowly turns. And there she is.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>Tartiflette, standing triumphantly on the Roomba like a rodent-sized Kate Winslet, wearing a blanket-cape, whiskers blowing in the portable fan breeze she turned on herself.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Tarti (arms wide open): <\/strong>I\u2019M QUEEN OF THE ROOOOOMBAAAAA&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Luna: <\/strong>OH WE ARE <em>NOT<\/em> DOING THIS AGAIN&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Charlotte\u2019s breakdown<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Charlotte (running in like a soap opera diva whose pearl necklace just snapped): <\/strong>NO. NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT. SOS. MAYDAY. WOMAN OVERBOARD. DEAL WITH THIS CHILD IMMEDIATELY.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Tarti (dramatically swooning): <\/strong>CHARLOTTE, IF WE HIT AN ISEEBURG, REMEMBER ME AS I WAS, BRAVE, BEAUTIFUL, AND COVERED IN CRUMBS.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Charlotte: <\/strong>We live in New Jersey. THERE ARE NO ICEBERGS HERE. Unless iaia ordered dry ice again for Halloween, and frankly I can\u2019t trust her not to.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Tarti (ignoring Charlotte like a true younger sibling): <\/strong>THE ROOOOOMBA SAILS TO DESTINY!!!!<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Roomba: <\/strong><em>brrrm brrrm<\/em> (trying desperately to turn away from the staircase)<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Luna takes charge (against her will)<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Luna (whips out clipboard): <\/strong>ALL RIGHT EVERYONE MOVE, MOVE. Emergency evacuation procedures are in effect. Positions:<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><p><\/p>\n<li><strong>Ziggy:<\/strong> Block the stairs. You&#8217;re big. Just lie down.<\/li>\n<p><\/p>\n<li><strong>Lilith:<\/strong> Cast a spell or\u2026 whatever you do.<\/li>\n<p><\/p>\n<li><strong>Charlotte:<\/strong> Try not to faint dramatically on top of the Roomba; we don\u2019t need two passengers.<\/li>\n<p><\/p>\n<li><strong>Tarti:<\/strong> STOP POSING AND GET OFF THE DAMN ROBOTIC FLOOR PANIC DISK.<\/li>\n<p><\/p>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Chaos, naturally<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-1016 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/Roombatitanic-500x333.webp\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"333\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/Roombatitanic-500x333.webp 500w, https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/Roombatitanic-1024x683.webp 1024w, https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/Roombatitanic-768x512.webp 768w, https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/Roombatitanic-300x200.webp 300w, https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/Roombatitanic-850x567.webp 850w, https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/Roombatitanic.webp 1536w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\" \/>Ziggy (lying down halfway\u2026 then giving up halfway through halfway):<\/strong>\u2026this is my best\u2026<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Lilith (raising a paw): <\/strong>I call upon the ancient spirits of Household Electricity to drain the Roomba\u2019s battery.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Roomba: <\/strong><em>brrrrRRRRRMMMM!! <\/em>(ignores magic, keeps going)<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Charlotte: <\/strong>I am officially DONE with this family. Done. Finito. This baby is going to give me cataracts.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Tarti (still posing): <\/strong>NEVER LET GO, CHARLOTTE! NEVERRR LET GO!!!<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Charlotte: <\/strong>I have NEVER held ON. Not once. Not to you. Not to your chaos. Not to your bread-stealing habits. NOT TO ANYTHING.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>The collision<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>The Roomba heads straight toward:<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>\u2026<br><strong>THE WATER BOWL.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Luna: <\/strong>OH FOR THE LOVE OF\u2014 TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Tarti (gasping): <\/strong>THE ISEEBURG\u2014<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Luna: <\/strong>It\u2019s a WATER BOWL, Tarti! Not the North Atlantic! Wait, did you add ice cubes to the water? Are you demented??? What the hell is wrong with you???<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Tarti: <\/strong>THE SAME THING, LUNA. THE. SAME. THING.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Roomba: <\/strong><em>slooooosh <\/em>(half-submerged, confused, spiritually defeated)<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Tarti (standing tall as the water splashes): <\/strong>IT HAS BEEN AN HONOR SAILING WITH YOU.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Charlotte: <\/strong>I\u2019m changing my name and moving to a monastery in the Alps.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Aftermath<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>The Roomba sits in a corner, wheezing like it smoked three packs of cigarettes and witnessed horrors unknown.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Lilith (solemnly): <\/strong>Its spirit\u2026 has left its body.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Ziggy: <\/strong>good\u2026 now I can sleep without it bothering me\u2026<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Tarti: <\/strong>Do we bury it at sea? Or in the laundry basket? Or should Iaia order a new one so I can complete my voyage??<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Charlotte: <\/strong>NO. YOU ARE NOT COMPLETING ANYTHING. YOU ARE A MORON. NO MORE SHIPS. NO MORE ROMANCE. NO MORE 3 HOUR EPICS WITHOUT ADULT SUPERVISION.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Luna (writing furiously): <\/strong>Meeting adjourned. Action items:<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\"><p><\/p>\n<li>Password-lock all screens.<\/li>\n<p><\/p>\n<li>Hide remotes in places only adult humans and I can reach.<\/li>\n<p><\/p>\n<li>And for the love of spreadsheets, NO MORE DI CAPRIO ERA FOR THE BABY.<\/li>\n<p><\/p>\n<\/ol>\n<p><\/p>\n<div style=\"width: 640px;\" class=\"wp-video\"><video class=\"wp-video-shortcode\" id=\"video-1013-1\" width=\"640\" height=\"1164\" preload=\"metadata\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"video\/mp4\" src=\"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/Roombatitanic.mp4?_=1\" \/><a href=\"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/Roombatitanic.mp4\">https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/Roombatitanic.mp4<\/a><\/video><\/div>\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Karen enters the chat, severely unprepared.<\/h4>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>You walk into the living room because the house is too quiet. Too peaceful. Too <em>dangerous<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Karen: <\/strong>\u2026Why does it smell like wet electronics? Why is Luna holding a clipboard again? Why is Charlotte pacing like she\u2019s rehearsing for an intervention? And, <strong>WHY IS THE ROOMBA LIMPING?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Luna (without looking up): <\/strong>Ah. She\u2019s here. The adult. The one with opposable thumbs. Thank the motherboard.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Charlotte (throws paws in the air): <\/strong>SHE NEEDS TO FIX THE BABY. I\u2019M DONE. I\u2019M TIRED. I\u2019M AGING FASTER THAN I SHOULD.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Tartiflette makes her entrance<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Tarti (dramatically sliding across the floor wrapped in a blanket like a soggy Victorian ghost): <\/strong>MAMA! MY HEART\u2026 WILL GO ONNNNN\u2014<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Karen:<\/strong><br>\u2026<br>Why is the baby singing C\u00e9line Dion at me? WHY IS SHE WET? WHY IS THE BLANKET WET? WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Luna (pointing at the Roomba corpse): <\/strong>She reenacted Titanic on the Roomba.<br>We told her no. The universe told her no. The laws of physics told her no. She said \u201chold my kibble.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Karen: <\/strong>Of course she did.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\">\n<p><\/p>\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>The explanation nobody asked for<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Tarti (throwing herself at mama\u2019s feet): <\/strong>MAMA, I HAVE BEEN THROUGH A JOURNEY. THE OCEAN TRIED TO CLAIM ME. THE ROBOT SACRIFICED ITSELF. JACK DIED. THE LADY DID NOT SHARE THE PLANK. THEY LIED. MAMA. THEY <em>LIED.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Karen: <\/strong>Why. WHY. WHY WAS SHE WATCHING TITANIC?!<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Luna: <\/strong>Because you left the remotes on the couch.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Karen: <\/strong>I left them for ONE MINUTE!<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Charlotte: <\/strong>One minute is all she needs to dismantle society. Give her two and she can do the Roman Empire too.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Karen\u2026 losing grip on reality<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Karen: <\/strong>Okay. Okay. Let me see if I understood this correctly, because I\u2019m on pain meds and the world is slippery: Tarti turned on the TV, watched Titanic, got emotionally attached, climbed onto the Roomba, declared herself \u201cKing of the Roomba, drove it into the iced water bowl, and now the Roomba is\u2026 dead?<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Luna: <\/strong>Clinically. We\u2019re awaiting the final autopsy.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Charlotte: <\/strong>It\u2019s waterlogged and spiritually compromised.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Lilith (whispers): <\/strong>Its soul wanders between realms\u2026<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Karen: <\/strong>Nope. Nope. I\u2019m going back to my office. Call me when we live in a normal household.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>The final straw<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Tarti: <\/strong>MAMA WAIT! I HAVE ONE MORE QUESTION!<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Karen (turning very slowly): <\/strong>\u2026What.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Tarti: <\/strong>IF I AM QUEEN OF THE ROOOOOOMBA, AM I STILL ALLOWED TO SING??<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Karen: <\/strong>Sweetheart. My spine is hanging on by a dental floss. I have four deadlines. And your sisters look like they need therapy. f you start singing again, I am putting the remotes in the freezer.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Tarti (gasps): <\/strong>MONSTER!<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Charlotte: <\/strong>THANK YOU.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Luna: <\/strong>Motion approved.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Ziggy (half-asleep): <\/strong>\u2026put the Roomba in the freezer too\u2026 maybe it\u2019ll reboot\u2026<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Karen issues a household decree<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>You limp into the living room the next morning, coffee in hand, spine hanging on by a single irritated nerve.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Karen: <\/strong>All right. LISTEN UP, you furry anarchists. New rule: <strong>NO MORE TRAGIC ROMANCES IN THIS HOUSE. <\/strong>No Titanic. No Romeo and Juliet. No \u201cwe are cursed lovers divided by fate\u201d nonsense. Nothing with doomed couples, sinking boats, or icebergs. I forbid it.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Luna (dry as chalk): <\/strong>Sure, okay, we\u2019ll put that in the policy binder. Right next to \u201cNo stealing bread\u201d and \u201cDo not summon spirits after 9 pm.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Lilith (eyes glowing faintly): <\/strong>I make no promises.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Charlotte: <\/strong>I agree with Karen. It is time for discipline. Structure. Boundaries. End the chaos. Of course rules don\u2019t apply to me, let me make this clear.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Tarti (dramatically): <\/strong>BUT MY HEART\u2026WILL GO OOOOON&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Charlotte: <\/strong>SOMEONE MUZZLE HER.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>The cats immediately ignore Karen\u2019s law (what\u2019s new?)<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>You go to the kitchen for two minutes. Two. And when you come back\u2026<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Ziggy<\/strong> is lying on the remote. Which is suspicious. Because Ziggy never voluntarily lies on things unless they vibrate or smell like snacks.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Karen: <\/strong>Ziggy. What are you doing?<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Ziggy: <\/strong>protecting\u2026 the household\u2026 from further\u2026 tragedy\u2026<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>The TV turns on anyway.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Luna (face in paws): <\/strong>Ziggy. You rolled over on the Netflix button.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Karen: <\/strong>WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING NOW?!<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Charlotte (horrified scream): <\/strong>NO. NO NO NO NO NO. NOT <em>THE NOTEBOOK<\/em>. ANYTHING BUT THAT.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Tarti (already trembling with anticipation): <\/strong>DO THEY KISS IN THE RAIN??? DO THEY DIE?? IS THERE A BOAT???<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Karen attempts physical intervention: <\/strong>You march straight to the TV, grab the remote from under Ziggy\u2019s belly (an Olympic feat), and shut the movie off.<\/h4>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Karen: <\/strong>THERE. Done. No more romantic tragedies. Next one I catch goes straight in the freezer. I mean it.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Tarti: <\/strong>THE FREEZER?? THE FROZEN DEPTHS OF DOOM?? LIKE JACK???<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Charlotte: <\/strong>WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS????<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Luna: <\/strong>Okay, okay, enforcement plan: we will lock the remotes in a safe. We will hide the safe.<br>We will bury the safe under a pile of Ziggy hair. No mortal kitten can retrieve it.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Tarti (defiant gremlin voice): <\/strong>I CAN DIG.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><strong>Luna: <\/strong>We are doomed.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The Roomba voyage of doom The launch The house is strangely quiet. Too quiet. Luna&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1016,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[251,31],"tags":[415,112,237,54,81,46,410,413,414,412,114,49,416,85,440,53,48,438,439,47],"class_list":["post-1013","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-general-kerfuffles","category-tartifletteszoomies","tag-blog-cat","tag-cat-blog","tag-cat-comedy","tag-cat-humor","tag-catopia-adventures","tag-cats-of-hiss-and-tell","tag-chaos-agent","tag-crazy-cat","tag-feline-tornado","tag-funny-cat","tag-funny-cat-tales","tag-funny-cats-blog","tag-grey-tabby-kitten","tag-kitten-chaos","tag-movies","tag-pet-humor","tag-tartiflette-2","tag-tartiflette-reenacments","tag-titanic","tag-zoomies-2"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/Roombatitanic.webp","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1013","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1013"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1013\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1019,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1013\/revisions\/1019"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1016"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1013"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1013"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1013"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}