{"id":1002,"date":"2025-12-20T04:09:03","date_gmt":"2025-12-20T04:09:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/?p=1002"},"modified":"2025-12-28T19:24:38","modified_gmt":"2025-12-28T19:24:38","slug":"the-titanic-incident-part-1-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pasioncondal.com\/blog\/the-titanic-incident-part-1-3\/","title":{"rendered":"The Titanic incident (part 1\/3)"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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A Hissing Resources Emergency Meeting
<\/em>Minutes taken (begrudgingly) by Luna M Whiskers, COO, MBA (Master of Bananarchy Administration).<\/em><\/h4>\n

<\/p>\n

Discovery:<\/strong><\/h5>\n

<\/p>\n

Luna (entering the living room, suspicious): <\/strong>\u2026Why is the TV warm? Why is the remote<\/em> sticky? Why is there a tiny paw print on the \u201cPlay\u201d button?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Tartiflette (standing dramatically on the coffee table, a dish towel tied like a cape, trembling): <\/strong>Luna\u2026Luneeeeettaaaa<\/strong>\u2026<\/strong>THE WATER BETRAYED THEM.<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Luna: <\/strong>Oh sweet motherboard of mercy, what did you WATCH now?!<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Tarti (collapsing into a heap): <\/strong>THE SHIP WAS SO BIG, LUNA. SO BIG. WHY DID THEY NOT SEE THE ICE CUBE??? WHY DID JACK TURN INTO A FLOATING POPSICLE???WHY DID THE GREEDY LADY NOT SHARE THE RAFT??? I HAVE QUESTIONS.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Luna:<\/strong>
\u2026
Mama is going to ask why the cat is sobbing into a dish towel again and I refuse to explain this.<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte arrives, already fed up and she does not even know what is going on:<\/strong><\/h5>\n

<\/p>\n

\"\"Charlotte (entering like the Downtown Abbey Dowager): <\/strong>What\u2026 what is this racket? Why is the goblin wailing like she just lost her crown in Miss Chaos International?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Tarti (flinging herself at Charlotte\u2019s paws): <\/strong>CHARLOTTE, DID YOU KNOW HUMANS CAN BECOME POPSICLES WHILE FLOATING?? DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ISEEBURGS??? DO YOU KNOW ABOUT TRAGIC DOOMED ROMANCES???<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte:\u00a0<\/strong>Oh NO. No no no, absolutely NOT. We are not<\/em> doing a tragic romance arc. We barely survived her Annie<\/em> era<\/em>. I will NOT endure \u201cMy Heart Will Go On\u201d at 3 a.m.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Tarti: <\/strong>TOOOTALLY WILL GO OOOOON\u2014<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Charlotte: <\/strong>DON\u2019T YOU DARE START THAT SONG!!!!<\/em> I have teeth<\/em>, child.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Emergency meeting in the kitchen<\/strong><\/h5>\n

<\/p>\n

Luna: <\/strong>I hereby call this meeting to order. The agenda:<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \n
      <\/ol>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
        \n
      1. How did the baby get access to the remote?<\/li>\n
      2. How do we prevent her from re-enacting the ship scene on top of the Roomba?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        <\/p>\n

        <\/p>\n

        <\/p>\n

        Ziggy (half-asleep): <\/strong>\u2026mmm\u2026 let her ride the Roomba\u2026 call it research\u2026<\/p>\n

        <\/p>\n

        \"\"<\/strong><\/p>\n

        Lilith (staring into the void): <\/strong>I saw this coming. In a vision. The Small One\u2026 standing on the Roomba whispering \u201cI\u2019ll never let go\u2026\u201d The Roomba heading for the stairs. Glorious chaos.<\/p>\n

        <\/p>\n

        Charlotte: <\/strong>This is EXACTLY why human children have supervision. We are FAILING as an organization.<\/p>\n

        <\/p>\n

        Luna (scribbling notes): <\/strong>All right, solutions. Ziggy? TARTI!!!! STAY AWAY FROM MY HIGHLIGHTERS!!!!! YOU WILL POOP BLUE FOR A WEEK *AGAIN* AND KAREN WILL BLAME ME!<\/p>\n

        <\/p>\n

        Ziggy:<\/strong>\u2026nap on the remote forever so no one can use it.<\/p>\n

        <\/p>\n

        Luna: <\/strong>Passive but pretty realistic. Lilith?<\/p>\n

        <\/p>\n

        Lilith: <\/strong>Banish the remotes to the shadow realm.<\/p>\n

        <\/p>\n

        Charlotte: <\/strong>What does that even MEAN?! Is that under the couch or a different plane of existence?<\/p>\n

        <\/p>\n

        Lilith: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n

        <\/p>\n

        Luna: <\/strong>Charlotte?<\/p>\n

        <\/p>\n

        Charlotte: <\/strong>I hate Lilith.<\/strong> Honestly? We force iaia to password lock the TV. Something the baby can\u2019t guess like the word \u201cresponsibility\u201d<\/em>.<\/em><\/p>\n

        <\/p>\n

        Luna: <\/strong>COLD. Effective. Approved.<\/p>\n

        <\/p>\n

        Tarti\u2019s encore<\/strong><\/h5>\n

        <\/p>\n

        Tarti (reappears wearing a blanket like a cape, standing on a chair): <\/strong>EVERYBODY LOOK AT ME. I AM KING OF THE WORLD.<\/p>\n

        <\/p>\n

        All cats in unison: <\/strong>NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.<\/p>\n

        <\/p>\n

        Roomba (starting up in the hallway): <\/strong>brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr<\/em><\/p>\n

        <\/p>\n

        Luna: <\/strong>Oh for the love of spreadsheets, SOMEONE STOP HER…<\/p>\n

        <\/p>\n

        Charlotte: <\/strong>I CAN\u2019T TAKE ANOTHER MUSICAL NUMBER<\/p>\n

        <\/p>\n

        Ziggy: <\/strong>\u2026wake me when she hits the wall\u2026<\/p>\n

        <\/p>\n

        Lilith: <\/strong>The prophecy unfolds\u2026<\/p>\n

        <\/p>\n

        Tarti: <\/strong>HOLD me, Charlotte! HOLD ME LIKE ONE OF YOUR FRENCH GIRLS.<\/p>\n

        <\/p>\n

        Charlotte: <\/strong>I\u2019m calling Hissing Resources on this whole household.<\/p>\n

        <\/p>\n

        <\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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