Coldbound and the cats still with the bloody dinosaurs…
(A small head pops up again from behind the couch.)
Tartiflette: I WOULD HAVE BEEN A DINOSAUR PRINCESS AND YOU WOULD HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME.
Charlotte, Lilith, Luna and even Ziggy (simultaneously): NO.
Tartiflette (cheerful, unhinged): KAREN WOULD BE A MAIASAURA BECAUSE SHE PICKS ME UP WRONG BUT SHE LOVES ME.
Charlotte (exhales, defeated):…Bastet help us.
Karen (carrying Princess Tartirexy, a tiny kitten tyrannosaurus wrapped in a blanket, making soft rawr noises): I’ve decided that I am a Maiasaura. And this (lifts Tartiflette like Simba) is my baby princess Tartirexy. Who’s my little T-rex? Yes you are! Fearsome princess!
Tartirexy: rawr!
Luna: We’re doomed.
Charlotte: Karen is not a parent, she is an enabler with two opposable thumbs.
Tartirexy (biting Charlotte’s tail): I ATTACK THE OLD QUEEN.
Charlotte (yelps): TE VOY A PARTIR LA MANDARINA EN GAJOS!!!!
Luna: No citrus based threats!!!!
Karen (hugging THE baby tighter): She’s just expressing herself.
Luna (aside): She’s expressing murder.
(Suddenly, another crash, something has fallen again.)
Tartirexy (mouth full of something important): METEOR HIT. I WIN.
Charlotte (closing eyes): I cannot live in the Cretaceous with this monster.
Luna (sighs): Too late. The era has begun.
Karen (raising Tartirexy triumphantly): RAWR.
Tartirexy: RAWR BUT LOUDER.
THE AGE OF TARTIREXY
Luna (setting up a command center on the dining table): I’m documenting everything because future generations will need to know how civilization collapsed.
Charlotte🙁standing on the arm of the couch): Good. Start with this: it is all Karen’s fault because she is an ENABLER.
Karen (on the couch, holding Tartirexy upside down): She’s not indulged. She’s cherished.
Tartirexy (chewing Karen’s hair): I EAT THE QUEEN’S MANE.
Charlotte (horrified): she is a pill.
Karen: She’s a princess.
Charlotte (snaps): Princesses are trained! They learn restraint! They do NOT scream at lamps!
Tartirexy (charging a lamp): I HATE THE SUN EGG. (CRASH.)
Luna (scribbling): First casualty: Lighting, how appropriate.
(Tartirexy stirs, stretches one tiny paw, sighs.)
Charlotte: LOOK AT HER, LOOK AT HER!!!. LOOK AT THAT STRETCH!!! THAT IS THE STRETCH OF SOMEONE WHO EXPECTS ROOM SERVICE!!!.
Luna: She does appear… confident.
Charlotte: CONFIDENT BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN ENABLED BY A WOMAN WHO CALLS HER “PRINCESS” AND ME “DRAMATIC”
(turns on Karen): You’ve created a monster.
Ziggy (yawning): Wake me when the screaming stops. (It never will.)
Charlotte (lower voice, dangerous): This ends now. I’m forming a resistance.
Luna (looks up): You already tried that during the Great Laser Pointer Incident.
Charlotte: That was sabotage. I will NOT live under the rule of a toddler dinosaur.
Tartirexy (launches herself directly at Charlotte): I RULE YOU FIRST!.
(Charlotte dodges. Barely.)
(Lilith appears silently, yellow eyes glowing.)
Lilith (serene): The prophecy is fulfilled.
Charlotte: Oh look, the clown that the circus lost just walked in. WHAT PROPHECY?
Lilith: The Small One Who Breaks Everything.
(Tartirexy knocks over a water glass.)
Tartirexy (snuggling into Karen’s neck, suddenly sleepy): I NAP NOW. RULE LATER.
(She passes out instantly.)
