We resume now our regular programming:
Willow’s Status:
Suffering quietly. She has claimed the heating pad, where she lies like a sad Victorian widow, sighing every time another cackling animatronic goes off. A crow cawed near her head and she nearly rolled over in protest. Tartiflette offered her a half-eaten cookie as tribute. Willow licked it once and returned to her vigil of doom.
Tartiflette Update:
Maximum chaos. Minimum supervision.
She has:
-Stolen three fake eyeballs
– Eaten part of a glowstick.
– Declared herself the “Halloween Cookie Inspector.”
– Disappeared into the storage closet and emerged wearing a spider hat she did NOT put on herself.
She then screamed “IT’S MY GOTCHA SEASON” and launched herself into the laundry pile. I just can’t.
Charlotte’s Reaction:
One word: Exalted.
She believes Halloween is her season. She’s been strutting around like a warlord who just conquered Spookyland. Her mood is between “judging everyone” and “setting booby traps with rubber rats.”She painted her claws (again), is requesting we replace all porch lights with torches, and has submitted a formal demand for “dragon ambiance.” She wants Scorchio inside the house but Karen is not caving.
When told this was not feasible, she hissed, filed a complaint, and redecorated the complaint box into a tiny haunted mansion. Complete with a ghost plush and a miniature “Collateral Damage Graveyard” sign. She’s insufferable. And impressive. But mostly insuffera…, wait, TARTIFLETTE!!!!!! STOP ADDING FAKE SPIDERWEBS TO THE LITTER BOX!!!!
Lilith’s contribution: Summoned a mist “for ambience,” then left to levitate over the dining table.
What Karen (aka “The Halloween General”) has done in the past 24 hours:
– Ordered three new animatronic witches because “one wasn’t cackly enough.”
– Screamed “MORE BONES” into the void and summoned two Amazon packages full of skeleton hands.
– Tried to dress Ziggy as a Victorian ghost. Ziggy retaliated by knocking a cauldron off the table.
– Declared that the front yard needs “just one more cemetery” (we are now at Cemetery #4).
– Said, with a straight face, “Don’t eat the candy eyeballs, they’re part of the aesthetic.”
– At 6:14 PM, Karen burst out of the basement wearing a black cape, a jack-o’-lantern necklace that lights up with every step, and a deeply unhinged gleam in her eyes. She declared—verbatim:
– “This. Is. Halloween! This. Is. Halloween!” And then? SHE SANG THE ENTIRE MOVIE. THE ENTIRE MOVIE. The Nightmare Before Christmas, from start to finish, in different voices. Including Lock, Shock, and Barrel.
– Charlotte was so horrified she fainted into a pile of rubber severed hands. I, Luna, bravely attempted to stop her by brandishing my clipboard. She just incorporated me into the choreography. Then—AND I WISH I WAS KIDDING—she grabbed Tartiflette, who was still wearing the spider hat for no apparent reason, and started doing the Monster Mash. They danced. They mashed. They yelled “Baguette!” at random intervals for spooky French flair. They knocked over 3 crates, the animatronic werewolf, and a bowl of candy corn. Tartiflette ended the number by leaping into the fog machine and disappearing like a tiny smoky goblin.
Meanwhile:
– Lilith tried to banish Karen using a DIY pentagram made of string cheese and dead leaves.
– Ziggy retreated into the coffin prop again. She says she’s “reconsidering the concept of reincarnation.”
– Charlotte, despite loving Halloween, is filing for emotional damages and was last seen hiding behind a stack of tombstones muttering, “Esto no puede estar pasando…”
– Willow just closed her eyes and whispered, “If I pretend to be dead, will the props leave me alone?”
Conclusion:
I, Luna the COO, demand a ceasefire on further decorating until the fog levels are under 9000 and we can see the floor again. Karen has promised a “few more things,” which history shows means at least 11 new animatronics and a tombstone with someone’s face on it. Probably Collateral Damage. Possibly mine.
Next Steps:
– Reclaim control of the living room.
– Schedule a porch inspection before Charlotte builds a guillotine again.
– Hide the batteries from Tarti.
– Find out what Lilith summoned last night. (Ziggy said it smelled like swamp and cinnamon.)
Send Light.
Sincerely,
Luna,
Chief Operating Officer,
Currently trapped in a Halloween-themed hostage situation
If this log ends abruptly, know that the werewolf got me, although he appears afraid of Karen.
Clipboard: Singed.
Mental state: Crumbling faster than Karen’s last fog machine.
Resistance is futile. Halloween is here.
