Self-Introduction:
“I am Ziggy Stardust. Chonky Goddess of Sleep. Empress of the Sunbeam. My reign is vast and uninterrupted, for I have perfected the art of Doing Absolutely Nothing. The others waste their lives chasing laser dots and causing chaos—amateurs. I do not rush; I wait. Snacks arrive. Beds warm themselves beneath me. Doors open eventually. I am patience, I am power. I am… very soft.”
What the Others Say:
Charlotte:
“She’s basically a couch with fur. If ‘strategic immobility’ was a Hogwarts subject, she’d be Head Girl. Slytherin, my ass—more like Sloth-erin.”
Luna:
“She claims to be cunning, but her idea of a master plan is lying on top of the snacks so no one else can get them. Which… okay, that’s actually pretty smart. Still. She drools.”
Lilith:
“Her aura is static. I have felt the same vibe from an unplugged fridge. She is a vessel of stillness. Also, she sat on my ritual stones once and nothing has been the same since.”
Tartiflette:
“She’s like a giant pillow that sometimes yells at me when I jump on her face. I think she loves me. Or hates me. Hard to tell. She smells like naps.”
Karen (a.k.a. Me):
“She came into my life after being thrown from a moving car, and despite her brain damage, she decided she’s just not going to give a single fuck about anything ever again. She’s the calm eye in the middle of the hurricane that is this house. I respect her. Even if she snores louder than Collateral Damage.”
