Case Title: Emergency Weather Protocol Edition
Date: One Day Too Dramatic for a Tuesday
Filed by: Luna, Feline COO
Team,
Yesterday was supposed to be a calm operational window. Karen and Collateral Damage (aka Dave) went to the movies to pretend life was normal. Ha. Hilarious. Nature had other plans. Cue: THE MOTHER OF ALL STORMS.
Timeline of Chaos:
-4:30 PM: Sunny. Suspiciously so.
-7:00 PM: Exit theater. Cue black skies, torrential rain, and the Wrath of Thor.
-Lightning bolt strikes a house two doors down. House shook. Spirits left bodies. We are on our own. Everyone’s fine, but hair is never going to be the same.
-Karen arrives home and activates Operation: Feline Extraction Protocol (F.E.P.).
Field Report:
-Charlotte: Grumbling, muttering in four languages, but rescued easily. She might have cursed the sky in Català.
-Ziggy: The Eternal Vibe. Remained under the porch like a soggy Zen master. Refused evacuation. Did not blink. Did not flinch in front of a Churu. Did not fuss. Did not come back until good and ready at night.
-Karen: Looked like a wet sea witch. Drenched head to toe. Again. Possibly caught a mild case of dramatic yelling.
-Willow: Missing in action—found under bed, eyes wide, tail tucked, demanding reparations in treats.
COO Notes
-We clearly need an emergency alert system that doesn’t rely on Karen looking at the weather app and saying “Eh, we’ll be fine.”
-Ziggy’s stubborn independence is either inspiring or grounds for disciplinary action.
-Charlotte has demanded hazard pay and another dragon for emergencies. Denied.
-Willow is currently lobbying for a storm bunker lined in fleece. Approved.
This organization cannot function if storms are going to start cosplaying as Ragnarök. Next time, check the Doppler, Karen.
End of Log.
—Luna
Chief Operations Officer (still damp, emotionally)
